For the past few months I’ve been helping a friend through a challenging time. While I am more than happy to be there for my friends, a recent dream reminded me of just how important it is to set up boundaries to avoid becoming completely overwhelmed by other people’s situations.
In my dream I was standing alone on the banks of a dark and winding river. I had been fishing for awhile but hadn’t managed to catch anything. Suddenly I was surrounded by many different people, all strangers who crowded around me. Their presence and close proximity made me feel incredibly stressed and anxious .I also realized that with all these people around there was no chance of ever catching anything.
Leaving the river bank to find a quiet space away from everyone I looked down and saw a sad anaemic looking worm in my hands. I didn’t hold out much hope of being able to catch anything with such a sad specimen but I knew I had to try. The act of putting a worm on a hook has never appealed to me but I felt I had no choice. I felt horrible as I pierced its flesh with the hook and I was even more upset to see dark red blood seep out of the wound. I felt sad but at the same time also encouraged by the richness of the blood. I woke up before I made it back to the river bank.
Thinking about my dream the next day I realized it had been triggered by my most recent conversation with my friend which I had found quite intense and stressful. I was so focused on helping them feel better about their situation I realized I wasn’t putting enough time and energy into what I wanted to do. It was also made clear to me that I was subconsciously absorbing all their worries and making them my own. So while they felt uplifted I was becoming more anxious and stressed. It also didn’t help that I was unable to tell them how I was feeling because I felt my role was to be the more positive and supportive one.
By looking more closely at this dream I was finally able to understand what had been happening in our relationship. I’m still helping my friend but I now feel able to express myself more openly. Together we have been able to put some boundaries in place so that both our needs are met.
